Its been a while hasn’t it. Resiliency apparently isn’t my strongest suit.
God has shown me so much, but I still know so little about his plans for me. It leaves me thirsty, and nervously dependent on a God who provides. More oft than not providing in a way I would have rather not gone.
Through faded bits of memories gone by, and facebook blaring the “Hey, remember when you posted this status update!” comes the slow realization that I’m not the same. That people aren’t the same. Even what I would objectively consider is reality isn’t the same.
A year ago today I was dreaming about knocking a guy out for no apparent reason.
Trying to make sense of a whole multitude of dreams and real life visions… “from God”
Holding out some vestige of hope that a glimmer of God could be salvaged from my inaction.
All that’s been salvaged from this is silty residue of stupidity and questions.
How could I have been so foolish, thinking that was the Lord answering me? Can any of my decisions be trusted? Does God even speak through visions anymore?
I imagine that in the time that’s gone by I’ve slowly shifted. That I’m more observant of the happenings around me, and slow to attribute anything to anything. (Jaded?)
The heroes of old have less luster. They’ve shouted proclamations of grandeur from their once tall towers. But, the idealism of the past just doesn’t work in their current context… or so they say.
The towers are looking a little shorter by the minute.
As idealism is replaced with outright hypocrisy, my capacity for grace must increase. This blog, (even this post) filled with snarky one liners, jaded rants, and more than enough teenage angst is a reminder of that. When nothing is right, grace must increase.
Welcome to life.
Nothing is right.